See this creed for capitalists from ASBO Jesus, starting
I believe in Greed, the Market Almighty, …
The Greed Creed
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Category Archives: Humour
Mark Driscoll Kicks His Own Ass
This is hilarious: Mark Driscoll Kicks His Own Ass. Thanks to Chris Fann at Koinonia for the link.
The non-dancers' Bible
The response to TC Robinson’s post on praise and worship postures reminds me of some Bibles I saw on sale last week. This was a batch of I think NLT Life Application Bibles which were being sold cheaply because they were “missing just three verses”, because of a printing error, which turned out to be the last three verses of the Psalms. Now the clearest biblical injunction to dance in worship is in Psalm 150:4. So this edition of the Bible is ideal for those who don’t like dance!
This also reminds me of a story which I heard about an argument between a Baptist and a Pentecostal pastor in a remote part of Russia over whether the Bible teaches dancing in worship. Of course we know that the Pentecostal was correct, that Psalm 150:4 and a few other verses such as 2 Samuel 6:14 teach in favour of dancing in worship. But my friend who told me about this said that the Baptist really could not find any reference to dance in his Bible. I had a look at the Russian Synodal version, which he was probably using, and realised why. Nowhere in the Bible was any word used which clearly means “dance” in modern Russian. When I asked some Russian educated graduates to translate for me the Russian of the first half of Psalm 150:4, Khvalite Yego s timpanom i likami, they were puzzled and could only suggest “Praise Him with tambourine and faces”, understanding likami as the instrumental plural of lik, an archaic word for “face”. It was only with the aid of the glossary in a recent edition of the Russian Bible that I found the real source of this word: liki, a Slavonic word for a choir. So it is hardly surprising that the Baptist pastor was confused.
Jim West endorses Todd Bentley
I had intended to take a break from blogging about Todd Bentley. But I can’t resist this quote, which appears to be genuine, from Jim West:
you can learn as much from benny hinn and todd bentley as you can the ‘fathers’ (with the singular exception of Jerome …)
So Todd’s and Benny’s teaching is as valuable as that of the “Fathers” of the church? Why, I thought I was praising Todd rather highly in comparing him with Jesus and Paul, but I was only saying that he was trying to follow their example. I would never have dared to compare Todd’s teaching with that of any of the respected theologians of the church. But Jim West seems to value Todd and Benny above such towering figures as Tertullian, Origen and Chrysostom. High praise indeed!
Jim West's secret life revealed
A few days ago I read in a comment, I forget where but I think it might have been from David Ker, that my fellow blogger Dr Jim West is unusually secretive about his private life. Well, by a happy accident in the last few days I received an e-mail, in fact three copies of the same one, which reveal his secret life:
Contact Dr. James West for the claim of £1,350,000.00 GBP which you have won in IRISH NATIONAL LOTTERY.Provide your Names,Address,Age,Occupation,Tel,Country. Email: …
Yes, this must be our very own Dr West letting the cat out of the bag about his day job: running a lottery in Ireland! I don’t remember buying a ticket for it, but maybe the ever generous Jim bought tickets for me and presumably for his other favourite bloggers.
Jim, I am waiting for my cheque.
Ring binding
No time to post anything long or serious today. I have spent much of the last two days digging up my front garden and re-sowing it with grass seed. It’s only about 20 square metres but even that takes quite a lot of digging, all by hand, to reduce overgrown borders and a lawn which was mostly daisies into a fine tilth for sowing. So I will post some light relief.
Iyov mentions, or makes up, the binding wars between TNIV and ESV Bible versions. Now usually to me discussion of the binding of Bibles is a big yawn. His commenter “NT Wrong” suggests that it is even worse, something satanic. But Iyov’s mention reminded me of the words used at the recent “gay wedding”:
With this ring I thee bind.
Now I wouldn’t dare to describe in detail the image this conjures up in my mind of the gay couple tying one another up with chains, dog collars and the exchanged ring. I’m sure that is not what these words were intended to mean. But apart from that idea the words make little sense as an address from one of the couple to the other. However, they do make sense if addressed to a Bible. Do these gay priests bind their Bibles with rings? A Bible in a ring binder has the useful property that inconvenient passages can easily be removed. I wonder, have Romans 1:18-32 and 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 managed to fall out of this couple’s ring-bound Bible?
Satire: Romans 9:13 Bible
Elder Eric of Tominthebox News Network has reported that CBD Introduces New “John 3:16 Bible”. I responded with my own announcement:
In a response to the CBD initiative, Crossway today announced the Romans 9:13 Bible, which includes just the text of this verse and only in the ESV version, together with comments on the verse from Calvin, Owen, Spurgeon and Piper.
A Crossway spokesman (no need to write “spokesperson” here) told us that this new product would give a double benefit. Firstly, this would be a convenient way for every good Calvinist to remember and carry around the only Bible verse and interpretation they need to know. Secondly, because the book is so small, only two pages, it can be sold for just 10 cents, and so will be a good follow-up to the success of the recent 50 cent New Testament campaign in pushing ESV towards the top of the chart of Bible sales by volume.
Pentecost news – I hope not!
Sally gives her answers to a “Pentecost Friday 5” of personal questions from her fellow Revgals. I don’t propose to join in this female pastors’ little game. But, in the light of current discussions, here is my answer to the bonus question
What would a modern day news coverage of the first Pentecost have sounded like?
There will be more Baal worshippers than Christians in Jerusalem by the year 50!
According to a new publication Religious Trends, the number of Christians shows a decline from 12 just two months ago to 11 last week. At this rate of decline there will be just two Christians left in 20 years time.
Philip, a spokesperson for the Christians, suggested that these statistics are misleading because they do not take into account new believers such as the reported 3000 converts yesterday.
This evidence seems to prove that this new religion is dead even before it starts. Caiaphas, the Jewish High Priest, told this newspaper that the situation entirely justified the action that the Sanhedrin were planning to stop the Christian leaders preaching.
Let’s hope and pray for better news coverage of this year’s Pentecost, tomorrow.
Decisions on Earth Ratified in Heaven, and $3 worth of God!
Two great posts from Ben Witherington.
First, Decisions on Earth Ratified in Heaven- the Opposite of Predestination, in which he explains how Matthew 18:18-19 shows that
decisions taken on earth, have eternal consequences. … human decisions matter tremendously, … God is said to respond to the human decision making process.
This biblical teaching shows how wrong is the doctrine of some Calvinists that everything, including human salvation, is predetermined by God.
Then, on a lighter note, read Ben’s post Quote of the Day– $3 dollars worth of God. This is far too true of too many so-called Christians today.
Is this what we are coming to as well?
I must write some serious posts sometime, or people will start thinking this is a humour site. But I can’t resist linking quickly to this post by Jim West, on what American schools are coming to. Is this what our British schools, and our society in general, are coming to as well? I hope not.